choice

I was listening to Pink Floyd’s Echoes when the idea occurred to me. By that time, I just finished watching the movie Animatrix. And I was thinking to myself, am I really alive? I had troubles distinguishing dreams and reality for quite a long time. I thought if we all have a chance to take a different path, what would we do. On one side we can live our current lives and try our best to achieve what we determine to be our goals of life. On the other side, we will have to accept death peacefully. As a reward, we will be granted an eternal dream in which we can live our lives with what we consider as extreme happiness. Of course, during the course of that eternal dream, we will not be conscious of our status of dreaming. Which side will you choose? And which side will I choose? I don’t know myself well enough to answer that question. I dream to be a hero, but I am a coward from the inside. I don’t know if I will ever gather enough courage to fight for what I really want. If I know what I really want. But even if I won’t be conscious about my situation, I do not wish to dream. A dream is a dream, eternal or not, it is still a dream. Although it doesn’t make a difference, I want to be awake. But all these are just my streams of consciousness. I don’t know if I will be able to make the choice when I really am offered the chance of an eternal dream. Am I really a coward? Sorry for writing all these nonsense. It is just a little bit of my train of thoughts. I can’t control where it goes.

dreamality

6:00 a.m. in the morning, I woke up from a dream and entered another dream. What is reality? And what is dream? I can barely distinguish them. Too many times I have taken what happened in my dreams as real facts from my memory. Too many times I have taken what happened in my life as eccentric things from my dreams. The more I try to forget something, the more clearly I remember it. The more I try to remember something, the sooner I forget it.

Maybe I am just too tired. So, please, will you bring me my wine?